Nightmare bosses definitely do exist.

We’ve all had one, maybe two; some worse than others.

Inspired by film release of David Brent: Life on the Road – the ultimate in awkward managers – here’s a selection of ‘greeting cards’ featuring some of the worst managerial phrases ever said to employees.

Check out some of the most cringeworthy below! Can your boss top them?

1. “Don’t ever turn up to work without makeup on again”

Don't turn up to work without makeup

“When I was 18 I worked in a menswear shop. I’d been working there a few weeks when I was ill and woke up late so couldn’t do my makeup AND arrive on time – I chose to arrive on time.

“My manager looked at me and just went: “Don’t ever turn up to work without makeup again!”

2. “You’re like an elf on crack”

Elf on crack

“I’m a huge fan of Christmas and own 16 Christmas jumpers; I was bragging to some of my colleagues at the Christmas party when my manager turned around to me and said: “You’re like an elf on crack.”

3. “You should take as much pride in your job as you do with your nails!”

Nail polish

“I turned up to work one Friday full of excitement that I was leaving that afternoon for a festival.

“My manager stormed over to me with a proposal I had sent to her the day before, she glared at my nails, put the proposal on my desk and said: “You should show as much pride in your job as you do in your nails.”

(FYI They were fabulous mermaid themed nails for a festival)…

4. “Not everyone is talented. At least you look pretty!”

Not talented but pretty

“A female colleague and I used to share a desk with an older male colleague, who very openly, used to search the net for Russian brides.

When she complained to our line manager about this misuse of company resources, the manager asked her if she was "miffed that he preferred to look at pretty girls.”

5. “Nobody is getting a Christmas bonus this year because the CEO spent it on hookers.”

Xmas hookers

“Every year me and my colleagues were promised a Christmas bonus and the amount would be dependent on the company’s performance.

“On the day of the Christmas party we would receive an envelope to say how much bonus we will receive.

“This particular year, we weren’t given an envelope; when I asked my manager why, he said: “Nobody is getting an Xmas bonus this year because the CEO spent it on hookers.”

6. “Your success or failure has no impact on me!”

Success or failure (1)

An anonymous response from someone who overheard this in the office!

7. “You strike me as the kind of person who should have gone to Cambridge or Oxford.. but didn’t quite make it.”

Should have gone to Oxford

“I was on the first day of a job as marketing manager for a budget cosmetic surgery brand.

“As the CEO was speaking to me about my skills and experience, he just came out with: “You strike me as someone who should have gone to Cambridge but didn’t quite make it.”

8. “You’ve got great potential for advancement here – although maybe in five or six years.”

Potential for advancement in six years

Another response from someone who overheard this in the workplace – we wouldn’t like to work here!

Check out: www.christmas-connections.co.uk/blog/comedy-cards-to-send-your-colleagues-this-year for more hilarious stories!

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