I can imagine that in the year 2060 I’ll probably be sat down in a hoverchair, wearing the latest Edinburgh Woollen Mill gear with a knitted jumper, cream trousers and probably Nike Jordan’s because I don’t think I’ll dress like old men do in 2015.

I’d turn on my 16K TV and see a movie trailer… ‘Being Leo’ a story about the greatest actor never to win an Oscar.

It would be like that Steve Jobs movie out at the moment (the one with Magneto from X-men) and would be about Leonardo DiCaprio.

And my grandchildren would flock around me and ask “What’s so special about Leonardo DiCaprio?” to which I would slap them for blasphemy and reply “He’s Gatsby, the Wolf of Wall Street and the best actor around when I was 19, you wee ****.” “But Granda if he was so good why did he not win the Oscar???”

Then my heart would sink faster than he did when Rose didn’t let him survive in Titanic, the cow.

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I hope this scenario never happens. I hope I never will wear old gentleman clothes.  I hope I never will watch a movie about how Leo never won an Oscar, because would it be the biggest shame since Steven Gerrard slipping for Demba Ba to score back when Liverpool nearly won the league… (teardrop).

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HOWEVER I hope to say “He did kids, he won an Oscar for The Revenant!”

The Revenant looks amazing. Leo plays a 19th-century frontiersman who, after suffering a violent Bear attack (yes, a damn bear), embarks on a journey through freezing wilderness to have revenge on the trapper who abandoned him for dead, played by Tom Hardy. Gatsby and Bane against each other, as a 14 year old teenage girl would say ‘I can’t even’. Insert monkey covering its eyes emoji here.

Or maybe this new movie is just a dream sequence between Cobb and Eames. (Inception fans will get me.)

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And in a new interview, DiCaprio makes it clear that making the movie was, in some ways, just as agonizing as what his character endures in the story.

“I can name 30 or 40 sequences that were some of the most difficult things I’ve ever had to do.

“Whether it’s going in and out of frozen rivers, or sleeping in animal carcasses, or what I ate on set. (I was) enduring freezing cold and possible hypothermia constantly.”

Hear that Eddie Redmayne? Did you sleep in a carcass Daniel Day-Lewis? Kevin Spacey never battled Hypothermia.

Oscar-worthy enough for you judge’s panel?

As for what he ingested in the wild, let’s leave it at this: “I certainly don’t eat raw bison liver on a regular basis,” DiCaprio teases. Even Bear Grylls doesn’t eat that like… and he’s a survival expert!

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“When you see the movie, you’ll see my reaction to it, because Alejandro kept it in. It says it all. It was an instinctive reaction.”

I for one, can’t wait. Even the trailer is great with his breath being used as a beat. And all the action too.

Two things I know,  is when it’s 2060 and I’m complaining about young people, Leonardo DiCaprio will still be my favourite actor, Oscar or no Oscar. And two, I will never slap my grandchildren. Because it’s my duty, to show the next generation, the works of the finest actor to have graced the earth. (Disagree with this statement? Watch Wolf of Wall Street and come back to me.)

Like Gatsby at the end of his bay reaching for ‘the green light’, it feels like DiCaprio is still reaching for that Golden Oscar. Gatsby didn’t get it… but I hope Leo doesn’t meet the same fate.

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