Words by Megan-Cáitlín Dallat
DISCLAIMER : There is mentions of self-harming in this post. This is a positive message so any comments should beam with positivity too!
I am a lady of twenty-three years of age. Whilst I cannot speak for everyone my age, I would take a stab in the dark and say that a lot of people around my age struggle with self-image and really hate a lot of their own physical attributes. This is not shocking, and is fairly common knowledge these days, with the media being a large influence on how we reflect on ourselves. Newspapers and magazines, TV and our phone screens are over-loaded with images of young, fit and physically appealing women and men 24/7, and it is nearly impossible to escape. I am among these people, lusting over swimwear model’s bodies and wishing I was just like them, but recently I have been crawling to get out of that mind-frame.
Growing up, I was a very petite girl. I was a gymnast and exercised on the reg, so weight just dripped off of me. This would seem a blessing, but for a teenage girl who was starting to socialise with older girls, this was hell. I had tic-tacs for tits and eventually when I managed to get up to an A cup, I stayed there for what seemed an eternity. Having sex with my bra on was the norm until a few years ago and I generally tried to go with it, wearing high-neck tops that flattered my figure. Then, BOOM, summer 2015, Megan got titties. I grew four cup sizes and had more boobage than I knew what to do with. I put a lot of this down to the birth-control pills I was on at the time, and it seems that it was a very popular side-effect for many women. Anyway, so now, a year on, I am feeling pretty sexual with my massive wobblers and life is good, but looking back, it really wasn’t all that bad being a part of the “itty bitty titty committee”; and in fact, I rather quite miss it.
Lately, I have been gaining weight and it is something that I have learned to be cool with. It’s like your friend’s cat coming to live with you for a few months – sometimes you have to look at it’s poo’s and you despise it for existing, but other times it stays out of your way and doesn’t seem to be doing much harm just hanging around. And then your friend forgot to come back for that tubby kitty, but by then you were kinda used to it hanging around, and it wasn’t a big deal so you let it stay. Yes, I did just refer to my muffin top as my friend’s cat; deal with it.
You see, there is nothing wrong with having a little more cushion for the pushing so long as you are still looking after yourself, eating healthily and happy in your body!
Another painful hurdle I had to get over was the scars I had left after suffering from depression and dealing with self-harm. These scars are something I have hated so deeply, and after using many treatments to help repair the damage, and using make-up in an attempt to cover them, I have come to accept that they are there, and ain’t gonna budge anytime soon. I am far from loving them, but I have been contributing less and less time to stressing out over them. Some of the people who you might love and admire the most, have gone through wars and battles that you don’t know about, and yet they have overcome all to become the beautiful, fun and fantastic human you love today. If you don’t love a physical part of your body, or perhaps even a personality trait, but you can overcome it and learn to love yourself wholly, you too will grow and bloom, and everyone will see the goodness and beauty of it. I’ve learned that without that horrid chapter of my life, I would not be half the character I am today, and so I let it be and I have accepted the marks on my body. I imagine that down the line I may get some pretty body art to cover it up, but it’s not the be all and end all right now, and I can be happy in this skin, so that’s all that matters.
Yes, it can be hard to be happy in yourself, I understand that just as much as the next guy, but something that can be good to remember is to lift your left arm high, then bring it down to your right hip. Now do that again, only point your finger and sing “night fever, night fevaaaa”. Yes, I did just attempt to get you to do a silly dance, but look; If you wanted to, you could put on trainers right now and take a run around outside, have a look at all of the beautiful things there is when you step out doors. You could feel your heart beat and sweat drip down your neck. You can dance, you can explore the world and you can move things and people. Your limbs are intact and you are able. There are so many people who are unable to do those things. So many people who are crippled by hunger in undeveloped countries, or by mental illness. You may not conform to society’s standards of beauty, but you are sexy and you are beautiful. You look a lot better without clothes on than you believe, and you look so beautiful when you do good in the world. It can be hard to just drop your insecurities like that, but the more you reflect on those thoughts, the easier it is to be kind to yourself.
Holding a hatred towards your body is doing absolutely no good. It is annoying for others who can see the beauty in you to sit and hear you calling yourself all the names under the sun, when you should in fact be confident and feeling great. Hating yourself isn’t going to do anything, so either work towards bettering yourself, or accept your flaws and beauty as a big ol’ fruit salad of fun, and work it; for it is just depressing to get yourself down about it each time you look at yourself in the mirror.
You are the youngest you will ever be, right here in this moment. You will look back in years to come, wrinkly as a prune and wishing that you had appreciated your body for the beautiful shell of your soul as it was.
I’m sure if you have read this post, then you have also read hundreds of other posts /inspirational tumblr photos all about loving yourself for all you are. I guess, for me, it was understanding that you are the only person who has to feel and live in your body, so of course you are going to see flaws that others don’t- it sucks. But the best bit about it is that everyone else is either hung up on their own bodies, or admiring others to even notice. You are off the hook! Enjoy the freedom that it brings to know that no one else gives a damn. You’re welcome!