WORDS BY ANNA GOWDY

We all have a work side. You know, that sober, upbeat person who is constantly laughing at your boss’s horrible jokes, and engaging with mind numbing conversations about how their 6-year-old can finally use the ‘big boy toilet’?

It takes a lot to hold that all together, so when the chance is there to let off some steam you should jump at it. But just make sure to look before you leap.

Here’s a list that we’ve compiled featuring a variety of things to maybe just keep in mind this at the office Christmas party…

1. Dress code

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If you aren’t sure whether or not there is one, ask. If you don’t ask, assume the dress code is semi-professional. Turning up to your work Christmas do dressed as an elf will not only make you the butt of every single joke for the foreseeable future, but well… those photos will end up on Facebook and they will not be deleted.

2. Alcohol

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A few wee drinks beforehand is always a good idea, isn’t it? WRONG, put down the Jägermeister! Do not arrive drunk to your Christmas party. Falling asleep in your main course and then proceeding to throw up your starter over the co-worker sitting beside you, does not make you a ‘para-legend’

3. Dancing

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OK, I understand more than anyone that once those 80’s and 90’s songs come on, there is nothing more you would rather do than release your inner Madonna. I would just keep in mind that if you want to, in the words of Eminem, shake that ass then don’t. Also combining that with dirty dancing by removing your clothes and throwing yourself on the security guard, will probably land you in some sort of weird disciplinary meeting the next day.

4. Speeches

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They are inevitable. Usually straight after the meal, a senior member of staff beligerently has to stand up and begin thanking everyone for coming, for being great workers and so on. That is the right way to do it. Standing up on a chair, in front of all of your co-workers and announcing that you hate them all, you hate your job and you hate Christmas dinners, probably isn’t an ideal way to go about it, but it definitely provides the craic.

5. Heading home

Has the dinner finished early? Do you want to keep the party going? Then go for it! Get a few of you and head into the town and drink so much you turn inside out (remember to always drink responsibly). Do NOT try to keep the par-tayy going with that one member of your team, who’s eh… ‘large professional abilities’ you’ve always admired. Oh and see that voice you have suddenly started to hear telling you to declare your undying love for them? Get hold of it and push it deep, deep, deep down and cover it up with raw vodka and wine.

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And if you have read this and found it is just all too familiar, I’d maybe think twice about attending this year!

 

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