It takes all sorts – that’s what people politely say when they’re stuck in an office full of misfits.
Most of us spend as much time in the office during the week as we do at home, and as you’d expect colleagues little personality traits tend to get magnified.
The difference is at home you’ll tell someone what’s bugging you. In the office you just smile sweetly and pretend to be busy.
1. The Verbal Blogger
We’re kept up to date with everything that happens in this person’s life by means of rambling dialogue. You’ll get details of everything from a blow-by-blow account of a mad weekend, to a Wednesday night when absolutely nothing happened.
2. The Sportsfan
This bloke’s only means of conversation is what’s happening in the world of sport. It simply isn’t good enough to say to him, “Wasn’t that some great sport at the weekend?”. If you can’t back it up with stats and analysis there’s no point trying to converse with this guy. Even if you can there’s probably no point either.
3. The Homebird
Still living with his or her parents at the age of 30-something, this person is cut somewhat adrift of the real world. While you’re worrying about mortgages, childminders and what to cook for dinner, they’re surfing the internet looking for the ultimate Halloween costume.
4. Diet Girl
If there’s a new diet or fitness fad to be tried she’ll be all over it like a rash. For about three days. Then it’s back to cake and fizzy pop for the rest of the week. If only you could lose weight by having good intentions.
5. The Joker
The advent of health and safety means The Joker is no longer allowed to put buckets of water over doors or industrial strength glue on toilet seats. Instead he must resort to different means to cause hilarity. Like an email to the boss from a colleague’s unlocked computer saying “I love you”.
6. The Hottie
The hotness of the office hottie is directly proportionate to the number of people who work in the office. The bigger the office, the hotter the hottie will be. In some very small companies even a ‘4’ can hold this title.
7. The Clock
They arrive promptly every morning at 9am and depart the building at exactly 5.30pm, dropping whatever it is they’ve been working on no matter its level of importance. Their work-life balance is weighted heavily in the favour of life. Don’t they know there’s a prize for the last person to leave the building?
8. The Pen Thief
The true identity of this person is never revealed, but anyone who’s ever worked in an office can vouch for their existence. Perhaps there’s a backstreet trader out there paying ‘cash for pens’ that we don’t know about.
9. The Copy Cat
Each office can have one, and only one, person who is completely au fait with the photocopier. Typically, they always seem to be off sick when the ink cartridge needs replaced or there’s a feed error.